Today I'm a Bitch!

So ya, today everything just seemed to get on my nerves. Everything being customers who were very demanding of my time and attention. Today the phone just kept on ringing and ringing. Then all these picky ladies came in and wanted help. Then you get the women who want you to be their personal shopper. I was just getting really irritated at having to put my own needs aside and help others. People are so demanding and lazy! They almost want you to do the shopping for them! Anyway I just needed some space and everything was grating on my nerves! I felt like I was PMSing but I wasn't.

Me and My Struggle with Self

Okay, so this is the post I have put off writting cuz I have been working it out in my head. I didn't know how I could explain this part of who I am to all you cyber readers out their. It is something I am just begining to understand as well. If you all have not noticed already my grammar and spelling in my posts is horrible! Do you want to know why? Sigh....it is part of one of my flaws, my brain doesn't function like everyone elses. I learn very differently from other people. Some would call it a learning dissability but I hate that terminalogy! Cuz, that lumps me in with people who have extreme special needs. I don't! My brain has adapted ways of translating information so that it can comprehend things. Yet, my idiosyncracies shine through sometimes and it can be embarrassing. To look at me and talk to me nothing would seem out of the ordinary....but years of going down to the resource room, falling behind in school while the rest of the class moved ahead because it took me longer to understand things has taken a toll on my ego and self-worth.
So I will explain to you how I learn. I learn very systematically and use all of my senses. Their is not one specific type of learning tool such as auditory, hands on, or visual that I prefer. I need them all! If you want to teach me you have to tell me, show me, and then allow me to do it. If you are to teach me someingthing you also have to repeat it more than once to me and tell me why you are telling me how do something so that I understand the result. So breaking down things for me by detailing each step and not just assuming that I will get it because the step before will determin my course of action.
My thought patterns are very sporadic and jumbled. I do not grasp concepts easily even though I desire to understand things. I love learning and try to be teachable. I will comprehend concepts but will not be able to verbalize them because my thoughts are churning so fast that I can't spit things out or I miss something in the translation of the concept.
Me and numbers do not mix as well! I didn't learn how to tell time until around grade eight, phone numbers do not register very easily, dates fly out my head. I have a natural rhythem towards music & dance but can't follow the tightly scripted mathematical notations of sheet music or beats in a dance routine. An example of me getting confused with numbers is in the CPR class that I am in right now. Remebering how many breaths and compressions for adults, enfants, and children. Plus the order that the different steps one takes in assessing an emergency situation, such as when to check ones pulse, how long do you give AR, etc etc. It gets very jumbled in my head!
I get my left and right confused sometimes, mostly when I am tired. I get very confused when given directions, I can't have anything explained to me vaguely, I need a map and written instructions. Living in Toronto and taking the TTC forced me to learn how to do this more and to not be afraid of it. Their were missed engagements, seedy alleys, wasted tokens, and creepy subway men in the process of my learning process but I did it! My friends were so patient and forgiving towards me.
Ways I have proven to myself that I can overcome my weakness in learning have been completing a university education. Some people who have not had to work through the issues that I have, have not even attempted to get a degree because it seemed too difficult. I have learned how to drive standard, even though I get confused sometimes I can and do drive standard. I struggled the first two months but I did it and continue to do so. The other night my friend Josh taught me how to use the e-brake to do doe-nuts on slick surfaces. This requires some skill but I tackled it, I may not have picked it up as fast as someone else but I did it. Last March I tried wake boarding I got up but it took me several tries (I didn't stay up for long). It has been in my later years that I have gotten rid of caring about what people think of me and tackled different challenges.
I have strengths but haven't been able to develop them because I have had to focus so much on all of my weaknesses. So my skill level has never gotten the proper attention it should have in those areas, so overall I have become average in all areas of my life. My weaknesses have been frustrating but they have also made me stronger. It is the thorn in my flesh that God has given me for a reason. One day I hope that he will heal me of it. Mom has seen me struggle and has prayed for healing. One time during high school I had a dream that I understood all of the concepts I was learning in Math, all of the complex puzzles became clear to me and then when i woke up I had forgotten it all. So in a way I know that I have the capability somewhere in my brain to easily understand that information but for some reason their is a mental block. For now I am learning how to embrace it and use it to my advantage. It has given me an empathy towards others who have it worse of then I do. Sometimes my standards for myself are pretty high and when I can't meet them I find it hard to accept myself. So please pray for me in regards to that. And so this is part of my struggle with self.

Slowing down

I'm going to cut back on how much I blog on here. I find that it is taking up to much of my time. Kind of like what MSN did when I first got it. Instead I need to pick up the phone and call someone. So if anyone wants me to call them shoot me an e/mail with your number.

I'm an Addict (really I am)

Please be forewarned that my grammatical device for this post is (bracket).
So my first week in the lunch room at my current place of employment I noticed a particular container on the counter next to the coffee maker. On the label of this container it said colorant a cafe, it took me a moment to translate because I was thinking 'coloring for coffee?' Then I figured it out 'coffee whitener!' Then I got to thinking (oooh Jack Jonhson's on, sooo good! I love the whole surffer culture. I can be a poser in Canada cuz their aren't any surfers here...now where was I going?) about what I have been educating myself on lately, which is food! Cuz I love food and I love to cook but also I know that a lot of our illnesses in North America are due to diet. Not necessarily because we don't eat right (we don't!) but because we don't know about where our food comes from. We are poisoning ourselves! We don't know how it is grown, how it is manufactured, packaged and raised! The fact that we have to whiten our coffee rather than use real milk is an indication. Why do we have to add more chemicals to our coffee (which is already a type of mild narcotic) blows my mind! Even if one were to put real milk in their coffee, do people know how cows are raised? How cows are given loads of growth hormones so that they grow faster and beefier, or given tons of anti-biotics so that they stay healthy. Do people not realize that whatever goes into the cow goes into us???? Have they not noticed how tall our generation has become? Hint hint, growth hormones in the meat we eat?!? Not only that but how the animals are treated? Chickens in cages for the duration of their lives, put on conveyor belts like they are objects. Veale! Baby cows put into tiny cubicles fattened and then butchered for their succulant fatty cuts. Animals eating animals! We feed our animals other animals by taking what isn't sellable and making it into feed. Mad cow disease anyone?!?
This isn't what God intended when he created the earth and asked man to watch over it! Yet it hasn't been the Christians who have taken up the slack! Instead we have obese pastors in our pulpits and gluttony is rarely talked about in the church! The ones who have taken up the slack are the 'kooky' hippie new ager types. I recently read a book about a women who lived in one of the rare Redwood trees in Washington for two years in order to save it. I also recently read a book by the actor Woody Harrelson (Woody from the hit TV show Cheers), who went on a bike tour down the West Coast stopping in different places to speak about sustainable living. Check out his site at www.voiceyourself.com Sustainable living means to live on things that will sustain the earth. By sustaining the earth we are being good stewards of what God has given to us so that other generations can enjoy the bounty of God's earth (Woody didn't say it like that, he would have said something about giving back to the Mother [the ambiguous life source]). Anyway I think it's time that we don't live in ignorance and keep inadvertantly killing ourselves.
Something that Woody brought up in his book was how people in North America are addicted to sugar! It's true! I am such an addict! I went off of sugar and numerous other things this Summer and to say the least it was a huge struggle! The first thing to enter back into my diet was sugar. Sugar is a comfort food! It makes us feel good while we are eating it and then we feel rotten afterwards. Yet we keep eating it for that short high! Sugar is in everything, chips, salad dressing, soup, KETCHUP (N.A. and it's addiction to Ketchup), peanut butter, rice crispies everything! N.A. relies on carbs to make it feel full, fries, chips, white breads, white rice, buns potatoes, cakes, pancakes, toast....these are all transformed into sugar in our bodies. Now, that I have allowed sugar back into my diet and being away from it for so long I find it so hard to go off of it again. I just want to binge and binge on stuff that has sugar in it. It is so hard at work because people will bring in cookies, chocolate cake and candies to share with everyone. I just can't resist a bite! Then my bite turns into a piece and then another piece, it's because I can't have it that I want it! I'm an all or nothing girl so if I'm not going to do something then I go cold turkey but if I'm going to do something it is because I believe in it or want it really badly. So having just a bite really isn't enough for me, I want it all! My parents brough me back chocolate from Germany I obstained from it for two months then I had a little and then I had a little more and then I just gorged myself! Ridiculous, I felt really guilty and upset with myself. It wasn't worth the binge! I had to ask my mom to take the chocolate away and hide it..... but I was hooked! So much so that two days later I raided her room in search for them.....and I found it and ate some of it. So bad! What would drive me to do that? An addiction my friends.
I recently read one of the natural living magazines that we get from the health food store. In the magazine it talked about a girl who realized that sugar was one of the things that was contributing to her moodiness and suicidal tendencies so she went off sugar and started taking a supplement called L Glutemine. L Gluetmine is sometimes used for people who have addictions to drugs and alcohol. Dopimine(sp?) is something that the brain uses to make nural transmissions in the brain. The brain stops producing enough dopimine when it becomes addicted to drugs and alcohol. L Gluetimine helps reverse the affects of the chemicals the brain has been using instead of dopimeine. L Glutemine acts as a strengthener to help rebuild the dopimine production so the brain can make the neural transmissions it needs.
So my friends I am a sugar junkie.

Recipe for recovery

Hot Cocoa (without the additives)

1 1/2 cups Rice Milk
1T fair trade organic Cocoa Camino (Canadian produced)
1t or to taste Stevia (a sweet leaf that isn't a sweetner or a sugar, it actually helps to balance your bodies sugar cravings, amazing!)

Simmer in pot stirring continuously until cocoa and stevia are dissolved and milk is warm. Pour in favourite mug and enjoy the pure chocolate goodness.

Daily Dose of Chick Music

"If a car wasn't suppose to turn around then
why was it made with a steering wheel?"
Lauryn Hill

"It's like meeting the man of your dreams and then meeting his beautiful
wife"
Alanis Morisette

"I didn't kiss someone so that they could break my hear"
Lisa Loeb

"The saddest part of a brocken heart isn't the end so much as the
start"
Leslie Feist

I Do

When I'm done with thinking, then I'm done with you.
When I'm done with crying, then I'm done with you.
When I feel so tired, then I'm done with you.
Everybody feels this way sometimes, everybody feels this way-

And I do.
You can't hear it, but I do.
You can't hear it, but I do.

You're trying to convince me that what I've done's not right.
I get so frustrated, I stay up every night.
You ask me for an answer, and I'm so tired and I'm up in the air.
Everybody feels this way sometimes, everybody feels this way.

And I do.
You can't hear it, but I do.
You can't hear it, but I'm feeling this way just because you say

I will be ignored.
I will be denied.
I could be erased.
I could be brushed aside.
I will get scared, and I will get shoved down,
but I feel like I do because you push me around.

I'm starting to ignore you, I doubted you so long.
I'm tired of overthinking, I know you don't belong.
Now I'm asking questions - no one pushes me around/
Everybody feels this way sometimes, everybody feels this way.

And I do.
You can't hear it, but I do.
You don't seem angry, but I do.
I do.

Lisa Loeb

Christian Online Dating and other interesting things

Okay so this is a topic I have wanted to put up but have been too chicken to because I am afraid of what people will think. Although I don't think barely anyone checks out my blog so what the heck I'll dive in.
So tonight somehow dad and I had a little heart to heart talk. We started talking about the things I want to do with my life and dad asked me the question of 'how do you think that you will be able to do all those things and raise a family at the same time?' I countered with 'well that is something I'm not really planning on doing' and 'I don't really have a reason in my life to plan on that' brief pause 'I wouldn't mind having someone in my life so that I could plan on that with.' Dad asked if I had prayed about it and I said no because I don't want to think about it. Dad said that he and mom had been praying about it ever since I was twelve. Do you feel the pressure? They know I'm not the brightest light bulb on the block so they want someone to take care of me. Someone who is an engineer and is my mom's best friend's son. Someone who gave me flowers in grade twelve and so now they....well mom hangs onto that hope.
Dad suggested that I check out some of the singles groups in Sarnia, I just looked at the floor with a look of disgust on my face. Then he suggested that if I wanted to go someplace where no one would know me I could go across the boarder. Ya, right like I want to date an American! Sorry I'm not into that! Also I feel like singles groups are just for people who are desperate, you know those theology majors or computer engineer types who have been hiding behind books or computers and have no social skills. I wouldl never meet anyone who I could connect with, unless I like the nice guys who are just too nice!
I have an acquaintence in Sarnia who met her current boyfriend on a Christian singles web-site. This girl had been telling me about how she wasn't interested in meeting anyone because she had things to do and a career to concentrate on, then two months later she meets this guy on this Christian site. If you want to check out the site it is www.christiancafe.com. So anyway she tells me these things and then she goes on a singles site? I swear people are so full of bullshit sometimes, especially the ones who say 'ya I wasn't even looking for a bf or gf, it just happened!' Whatever! So this girl that met her guy online is absolutely gorgeous, tall, thin, blond, with a perky personality, capable of intelligent conversation, active and really sweet. Yet, in a town like the one I live in she couldn't find a man worth her attention so she turns to online dating!?! So I decided to check out this site I type in female seeking male (oooohhh some good funk just came on, shake your body a little), choose the age bracket of 26-30. So I look at some of the guys pictures and profiles. Most of the guys are the theology type of guys who just can't get a girl and have held onto the hope that God made us one person to be compatable with. If that were true then why did God make Saul and David? Why not just stick with Saul and make everyone suffer? So I try looking at younger guys and they seem a lot better off buuuuttt too young! I dunno what I think of meeting a guy online, it just doesn't seem natural or romantic!?! Yet why couldn't God work through the internet to introduce you to someone else? As one guy in his bio put 'I just don't feel like this is the right venue in which God wants me to meet someone.' It is a venue that God could or could not work through.
As a female who has chosen the internet to try and find a guy what kind of etiquette is involved? Does the girl make the first move by contacting a guy? Or does she just calmly wait for the guy to check out her bio? Who innitiates the first meeting? Should one post their picture or not. Speaking of which I pretended to be a male searching a female and found a couple shots of women spilling their cleavage in the shots, nice lets prey on the whole lust factor!?! Urgghhh girls are sooo stupid!
Anway so I'm not really worried about it but I have been thinking about it. My Aunt is 36 and still hasn't met the right guy. She is gorgeous, she is a combination of Charlize Theron and Tyra Banks and has had her heart brocken numerous times. She has a career, lectures at U of T, is very giving but no one wants to settle with her. That just gets me thinking a little. Cuz most guys who are worth my time are married or engaged, if your a Christian you get married young just cuz no one wants to wait for sex for too long. But God supplies right? Maybe one of their wives will die and then I'll have a chance? (Jokes Jokes....or am I?) And so I will end on that note.

Sea Glass and Other Stuff

If any of you know me very well, you know that I love to collect glass especially depression glass and sea glass. I love the vibrant colours of glass and the way that the light shines on them and through them. So at the beginning of October I went down to the beach a couple of times to tan and collect glass. Their was one particular day that I just kept finding pieces of glass being burped up from the lake onto the shore. Some pieces were smooth from being tossed back and forth on the floor of the lake and a couple pieces still had some jagged edges on them. These jagged pieces needed to be rubbed more and so I threw them back in (Oh man Feist is on [Let it Die] such a good vocalist and song writer) to be made smoother. I asked my mom how long she thought that it took for the glass to be made smooth and she said that some of the pieces could take up to ten years. I think that it probably takes longer. So looking at this glass reminded me of myself and my walk with Christ, I have all these jagged edges that need to be smoothed away and so I get thrown into the sea of life where I am tossed back and forth so that God can form me into what he needs me to be. Sometimes I think that we 'think' we have weathered the seas of life just fine and so we come up for air on shore. Then God sees us in our pride and throws us back in again so we can learn what he needs us to learn. Life is hard but it is during the hard times that we can grow dependant on Him and I would rather life be hard than easy because if life were easy then I would feel like I didn't need Him.
Yes, everything and anything could be made into an analogy and I am sure that sea glass has been used before but it is new for me.
Song for today that has really moved me is Mercy Me's 'Where You Lead Me', I don't usually like mainstream Christian pop/worship music but this song speaks to me about the place that I am in right now. My Aunt forgot this CD at my house last Easter and I started listening to it in the Summer when I felt like I was being spiritually attacked at night.

What is life/ A thousand roads a thousand ways/ And why am I/ So afraid to move/ I crossed the line/ I'm stepping out so come what may/ I'll give it all/ Cause I'm drawn to you / As long as my heart is beating/

Where You lead me, I will follow/ Where You lead me, I'll give my life away/ Where You lead me, I will follow/ Forever and a day

I can't deny/ Your very presence is my life/ And why would I/ Ever turn away/ Cause deep inside/ I know that I can not rely/ On anything/ Less than faith/ As long as my heart is beating/ This is all I'm dreaming of/ To live completely in Your love.

So this is me, this is who I am, Jesus take me and use me!

I feel like crap today!

Guys I feel like crap, I"m wondering if it is because 1. I racked leaves yesterday 2. I'm coming down with something 3. PMS or 4. because I attempted to play hacky-sack last night. So I tried to get the kids at the Annex (drop-in) to teach me how to play hacky sack and I pulled some muscles in my hips (hee hee) and now it hurts to walk. I use to be so flexible, I guess it just proves that even if I look as old as them it doesn't mean I can still do all the things I use to be able to do when I was their age. But.....I had a break through with one of them during my short lesson in hacky sack. One of the boys (we'll call Joe) is down almost everytime I see him, he just seems to skulk into the Annex with his shoulder's hunched. Joe was expelled from school and so he doesn't really have a lot of hope for the future. So I asked him to teach me how to hacky and he showed me a couple of moves, then he showed me a trick he could do. I praised him by saying "Joe you have some mad hacky skills!". His face totally lit up with this huge grin and all it took was a little bit of encouragement from me for his attitude to completly change. It is those little victories that I love to see!
Hey, I'm kind of afraid that this blog is going to take over my hand written journal I hope I don't get addicted to this because I think I am. But right now I don't have a whole lot of people to talk to so this is kind of good way for me vent and think.

Crescendo's and the Spirit

So last Wednesday I was listening to some Chantal Kreviazuk and their is this one song called Eve(number nine on one of her CD's). During the song she just lets her voice soar and soar and soar! It is as though she is singing with her spirit and I just couldn't help but sing with her. I love singing, for me it is a release.
That same night I also watched the movie Whale Rider, such a beautiful movie! Dad kept joking that it was so fast paced. I retorted with 'I didn't rent it for you, you don't have to watch it.' I really liked it, it was a beautiful story and deeply touched me. Their is this one part of the story where the girl is by the ocean singing in her native tongue to her dead ancestors and to the whales of the ocean. Her voice is fragile yet strong and you can tell that she is singing with her soul. Then God brough to mind the verse in the Bible that says 'deep cries out to deep'. This girl was singing with her deep (spirit) to the deep (the ocean). In the same way when I sing, I sing with my deep to God's deep so that he will fill the void I have in my heart.
I was also reminded of one of C.S. Lewis's book's in his Chronicles of Narnia series. Their is this one character who has worshipped a God called Tash. The character has devoted his whole life to service to this God because it is the only God that he knows of and so he has been loyal his whole life. Lewis then explains that because of this character's child like devotion it was as though he was actually serving the one true God. Due to this character's desire to serve the creator he thought that he was created by he is welcomed into God's kingdom. How much more so would the girl's character in the movie be welcomed by God as well!?! Not to say that all religions flow into one God because they don't! But who are we to judge who will go to heaven who will not?

Fall and all that it brings!

Oh how I love Fall! This is the first time in awhile that I have actually been able to enjoy Fall fully. For the past four seasons I have been busy with school work bleh! I like fall because of the smell of decay, the beautiful harvest moon lit nights, and the magnificent depth of all the colours on the trees. Most of all I like the food; fresh cider, mulled cider, fresh market apples, squash, squash soup, pumpkin pie, roasted pumpkin seeds, apple pie I love it! I love it! I love it! Good hearty comfort food that reminds you of times past. I have taken full advantage of this time I have had and I have made two vegan pumkin pies(silken tofu is the secret), one apple pie and squash soup. UMMMM ummmm good!
Fall is beautiful and sadly it will be replaced soon with the gray slush of winter:(

I really do need to explain why my grammar is so absolutely horrendous!

Okay I am looking over my past posts and cringing at my mix up of words, bad spelling, bad sentence structure and mix up with past and present tenses. But......I don't feel like going into that right now.

Bubble wrap and other things that go bang......

Okay so I finally get to finish this post.
So today was a not soooo good day it was as though this haze was surrounding me but I'll get to that more later.
Okay so at work we have to un-wrap a lot of the Christmas gifts, and some of them come wrapped in bubble wrap. One day we had all of the bubble wrap on the ground in the back (aka dungeon/garage), I was working a way and Beth walks by on her way to somewhere and stomps on a few of the pieces of bubble wrap. I then say to her "Beth! No no you have to do it like this" and proceed to do a river dance on the bubble wrap. However just as I am doing this, this boy Dar walks in and sees me. Dar is pretty cute so I kind of got embarrassed and quickly stopped and said "that was just me being a geek". He laughs at me and walks away. Ah yes I am a geek and proud of it!
Okay the next part of the story I am cringing about writting but want to write it anyway. Okay so Saturday I had to run an errand for my dad. So I am driving on my way to get whatever it was that he needed. I get to the stop lights just outside of my subdivision and go to make a quick stop, all of sudden my car isn't stopping, I push down on the breaks hard and wait for backup ones them to kick in, still nothing and the car in front of me is getting rapidly closer to me and then bam I slam into them! I realize now that I should have pulled on the emergency break and down shifted instead urggghhhh. So I get out and I look at the damage and repeatedly apologize. Then I look behind me and their is Dar driving a company truck, still dazed and embarrassed I smile and wave to him hoping that if I look fine he will not think that it is wierd that I am standing on the road beside my car with my flashers on (oh pride pride). He smiles and waves back and turns the truck into the parking lot of the variety store. I assume that he is just going to drive by but no! A few moments later I see him sauntering across the parking lot towards me. He comes over to me and asks me a few questions, asks if I am alright, tells me to give him a call at work if I need anything. He then leaves and I am left thinking, 'how can he be so nice to me? He barely even knows me and he is so kind and considerate. If I was in his shoes I would have just driven by'. Dar is the one who also got me my new job after briefly meeting me one night that he decided to randomly volunteer at the youth drop-in, he gets me a job at his work. Bizarre(sp?), how do I gain people's favour so easily? I call my dad and he comes by exchanges info with the lady I hit and tells her where to get a good deal on a new bumper if she needs one. I only put a few scratches on her car so we didn't think it would be a biggy. Then I forgot my shift at work that day because of the whole ordeal, that and I put my new schedule up that said I had the next Sat off and not the Sat that I was currently in. Me being the scatter brain I am got confused. So that made me feel even worse, I hate letting others down because in letting them down I let myself down. Work was pretty understanding about it cuz Dar told everyone about what happened(a good an bad thing).
A day goes by and no word from the lady, then another day comes and dad gets a phone call, she has decided to get a new bumper and it is going to cost me $1000.00! This is money I have been saving for awhile, it isn't much but it is all I have. So last night I cried cuz not only that but applying to the Universities I want to go to is going to cost me $500.00. So needless to say I cried a lot last night because I honestly don't know how I will get a job where I make decent money to do the things I dream of doing.
Today wasn't any better I screwed up twice on cash and was so dissappointed with myself. Their is a lot to remember on the computers and then trying to answer the phones without accidentally hanging up on people instead of transferring them is frustrating. When am I going to find something I excel at? I'm good with people, I'm good at being a friend.....but who gets paid to be a friend? Although I have been wondering if I am a very good friend, none of my friends who have gotten married have asked me to be in their weddings, my one friend who I thought I would have a garanteed chance at standing with her on the biggest day of her life has not invited me to have that pleasure. She was and is? my closest friend and it fucken hurts to know that I am not as important to her as she is to me.
Dad recently gave me a tape by John Maxwell entitled 5 (or 7?) things that don't require talent and I can remember three of them;
Innitiative- Being motivated enough do something or to take a chance.
Courage-Mastering fear not eliminating fear.
Teachability-Being willing to learn something new and take correction.
I can do those things and have done those things but does it make me feel any better, not really because right now I have no outlet to do them in. Ohhhh how my heart hurts, it hurts so badly I feel as though I will explode! I need purpose, I need comfort, and I need arms around me.

Do guys really prefer girls with long hair over short hair?

Okay, so I recently chopped my hair off really short! Not that I didn't have short hair before I cut it but this is like borderline pixie/bootch short. My dad being the typical guy that he is was thoroughly dissapointed with me the day that I had it done. I loved it at first because I could spike it and the hair dresser styled it really cool.
Back in 2004 I cut my hair pretty short for the first time since my OAC year in high school (51/2 years ago). I loved it! I got the whole short in the back long in the front emo girl style and I think that I looked pretty hot! The reason why I did it though is becaus I wanted a drastic change but also because I had this stupid dream/ridiculous thought (slashes are my grammatical use for today) that I would meet my dream guy soon and if I had short hair he wouldn't like me. What a load of crap but because (oh Nickel Back's Photograph is on, luv this song, just not the band) of my conditioning that guys like long hair and that their is only one person for each person on the earth I kept my hair long. So I overcame my fear and chopped my long blond locks off, in a sense it was almost like a coming of age experience for me, I felt like a new person and I looked like a new person. Then two months ago I decided I would be daring and get the classic bob/pixie cut. Now I am regretting it cuz it I don't feel attractive and it takes forever to style 8-10 minutes.
So anyway this is me being pretty open about my cluttered romantic thoughts about long hair and guys. Maybe it will start some discussion though?

The Litte Boy in Every Guy

So at work their is this Guy, who I think is hilarious. I just look at him and he makes me laugh. Let me describe him for you. He has really clear blue twinkly eyes, dark stick straight brown hair with cowlicks that go in every direction, bright clear skin and a huge cheshire cat smile. He reminds you of that little boy you use to play in the sand box with who had a sensitive side but loved to make forts and play with toy trucks only he just grew up and got a deeper voice.
One of my first impressions of him was a night in the lunch room. My boss and I were talking about the differen't diets we were on (for health reasons). My manager was saying that she was pretty much a vegetarian except she ate poultry and fish. Twinkly Eyes pipes up and says sarcastically "I don't do drugs, I just smoke weed, that's all I do!'. LOL oh man I just gave a good hearty laught at his comment because it sounded so funny and the way he said it so quickly and wittily made me laught.
Another time in the lunch room after only working their for three days I was eating my lunch quietly and then I let out this little burp and I was really embarassed about it just cuz I didn't really know anyone yet. Twinkly Eyes and this other couple (I can't tell if they are together or not) started to laugh and told me it was okay. I then retort with 'I don't usually do that, I can usually keep them in' (mom brought me up like a lady). Twinkly Eyes says "it's okay Laura lets one out every so often and they are way louder than that'. Then he tells the story of how he was at a wife's friend's wedding, he didn't really know anyone at the wedding. At the reception he had sucked back a few Heineken. During the speech of one of the bride's maids he let out this huge belch, it must of been pretty huge because everyone looked at him and his wife got pretty ticked at him. So, you know he is just that sort of guy who funny thing happen to or he does funny things. I thought it was kind of cool how he took the attention off of me and put it on hims self. I need people in my life who can make me laugh, I need a good stomach wrenching laugh everyday or I just get down. Hearing encouraging words is good but I think laughing is way better!
But anyway off topic, I really believe that every guy has that little boy in them and it comes out in them when they play with their grown up toys (I mean things like computers and cars, not the other toys, get you mind out of the gutter!). Or when they tease girls or play pranks on each other. I think it is great but some girls just don't get it and look down on it but that is guys just being boys. The way they were meant to be!

This Stinks!

Only two people have commented on my blog! I need more imput or I'm giving up.....or not, I'll just hang onto the small hope that someone else will looke at my blog.

The Reflection in the Window

Okay so I am working in the gift store of a green house/nurserie and for the past two days we have been busily putting up Christmas trees. Last night we worked late trying to get a good start on putting up all the trees and decorating. The business I work for is owned by Christians so half the staff that are employed are Christians....actually over half are. Anyway since we were working so late my place of work gave us all free super, so we ordered in pizza (unfortunately I can't have milk very often, so no pizza for me). So we were all eating and talking, some how the topic turned to alcohol consumption and how much one can drink. I noticed right away that some people stopped talking alltogether and others began speaking very loudly. One paticular woman was bragging about how much she could drink, she was talking fairly loudly as if she was reliving her drunken experience as she spoke and I just looked around and realized that only five out of the twelve of us were actually interested in what she was saying. I also wondered why she did not notice this as well???? I was getting really annoyed with her and bored with the topic because I remember the times that I have been intoxicated and they were not fond memories. I just ended up making an ass of myself. So being the type of person that I am with a short attention span I looked away, I looked out the window but in looking out the window I saw this women's reflection. And it was then that God showed me His impression of her, I saw a saddness in her eyes that I hadn't seen before. In doing that He gave me a compassion for her. From what I have observed of her she seems like she is the type of women who wants to be accepted by others (not that we all don't but you know those people that try too hard). Her acidic laughter and flirtatious(sp) banter with others is a cover for un-happiness.
Maybe I'm totally wrong and I am just over analyzing things like I always do. Oh man I love psycoanalyzing people! Well that is all for now. Stay tuned for more random thoughts from my head.

Projectile Vomitting and other disgusting things......

Okay so I'm toying with the idea of becoming a nanny.
My reasons?
___________________________________________________________________
1. I know I would be good at it
2. It is gooooood money!
3. Everybody tells me I would be a good mom or that I try to be everyones mom(I know I'm kinda bossy)
4. My friend Colin's wife planted the idea in my head when after watching me with her two son's she said to me 'you would be a good nanny'
5. My friend Steph suggested I look into it because it was something she had thought about doing if she was still single and unmarried
6. I could possibly get a work visa and nanny in someplace warm like AUSTRALIA!(sp?)
7. If I work for a rich family, I could live with them (no rent), they would buy my food, I would probably go on some pretty rad vacations, and I would probably drive some rad cars!
8. I could take some courses via correspondance
9. I could save a lot of money to help make me more independant

Reasons why I wouldn't?
___________________________________________________________________
1. What if I get the wrong family? I hate them or they hate me?
2. Do I really want to be with kids 24/7?
3. What if I get really lonely because I can't meet anyone my age or I don't have time to have my own life?
4. What if they smoke and stuff?
5. Am I ready to deal with poopy diapers, toilet training, cooking and cleaning, bathing, sticky fingers, dirty fingers touching my nice clean clothers,runny noses and projectile vomiting?


Speaking of projectile vomitting so I was at my brand new baby cousin Hannah's dedication. Everyone was oohing and awwwing over her and she kept throwing up little bits of milk stuff. Anyway I had been discussing with my Aunt who was holding her at the time about my idea of becoming a nanny. I then made some comment about how much Hannah(was throwing up), then I spoke about an embarrassing moment that happened to me in regards to projectile vomitting and a baby.
Okay so when I did my internship in Picton I lived with a host family. One Sunday afternoon we went to their parent's place for Sunday dinner, their son had come with his baby son Andrew. Andrew is an adorable pudgy but solid baby who smiles easily and giggles joyously. All the boys were throwing Andrew up in the air and doing flips with him etc. So finally I piped up and ask if I could hold him cuz he is just too cute to pass up. Well I'm having a good time holding him, he's smiling gurgling and then it happens, he pukes alllllll over my jeans, we are talking projectile vomit, not just little bits of milk stuff but everything he had eaten that day. So there I am with people I had just met and my jeans are all soiled. Yes, embarrassing things like that seem to follow me where ever I go.
Where was I going?
Oh ya my Aunt then said "we'll Adrienne if you become a nanny you'll have to deal with a lot of projectile vomitting".