Racism; A Reminder to Canadians

I just finished watching Crash and it was a reminder of how racism is still very prevalent. It wasn't one of those happy ending movies where blacks and whites become friends at the end but it showed the subtle ways racism seeps into American culture.

We Canadian's see these U.S. movies and think 'man not another movie on racism haven't they gotten it right?'. But apparently they haven't..... but niether have Canadians, I'll get to that later. Johanna, my faithful blog reader told me about a Afro Canadian friend who is attending a reputable educational institution in the U.S.. If I get the story right, (Joh forgive me if I don't) he has started seeing a white girl. Apparently this is still considered some what of a fopa(sp?) because people have made comments to them both about how it........isn't quite right. Now in Canada I do not think that this would be as big of a deal. But in the states their are still the black segregated ghettos, not purposefully seperated by the government but because of prejudice....prejudge between both races, a disdain for each other. Okay I do not claim to know a lot about this so I'm not going to speak about this much more.
On to what I did want to talk about. I want to talk about racism that exists in Canada. Racism between Native Canadians and white Canadians. We have government enforced native segregated reserves, laws that say if a native women marries a none native man then she looses (sp? loses) her native rights, and we have very poor conditions for our natives on a lot of the reserves. We learn very little about the atrocities natives have endured in the past. The horrible disease infected Hudson Bay blankets that were traded for the beautiful beaver pelts, the horrendous native brothels, the sickening abuse that happened in the mandatory native schools (Catholic no less) and the use of alcohol to cheat the natives out of land by feading their addiction(we intoduced them to liquour) for the liquour. I'm sure that their is more but I do not know about it. I have a friend who said that when he was in a hockey league they were told to hit the native teams extra hard. That was probably only about 8-10 years ago! My whole life I have been told how slothful and alcoholic natives were. How they just used the government. Yes, some of them might be but why are they?

This is why! Our government has been an enabler, they have used money as a band-aid to try and fix the problems. Money to help kill the pain at having lost their cultural heritage, the abused have become abusers within their communities. Natives continue to abuse alcohol to numb the pain they have and to fill the sedative life style some of them live because they do not need to work because....... the government enables them not to. Money will not fill the void! They are slaves to Canada, they're 'native land', slaves to a government that chooses to push them aside realizing the hole they have dug for these beautiful people and for themselves has become deeper and deeper. My heart hurts for this people group because they are a lost group that do not belong to they're own country. They have no native land to try and return to for comfort.
So what can we do? Well.... we could learn from our trigger happy American nieghbors that entertainment is a source of education. They have movies that educate people about the history of racism yet they end the movies with hope for a resolution through exceptance of culture and heritage. If anyone out here on the internet sees this post and you are in the film industry I strongly urge you to find a screenplay to make a major motion picture about natives. And if you do take my advice do not make the hero some white guy who was adopted by some warrior tribe AKA last of the Mohican's. Oh, and make lots of different movies because racism dies very slowly!




Special thanks goes to my second year professor of Canadian Youth Culture, she enlightened me to these current problems within our government. It was a class that made me more aware of what it meant to be Canadian and less like an American.

The Female Species: Complicated but not too complex

Women know what they don't want they just don't know what they do want.

The End

Rantings on ugly Crocs

I think crocs are ugly! I don't know why so many people like them!?! They are like the return of jelly shoes except they are way less cool than jelly shoes. Jelly shoes at least reminded me of jelly and jelly is good to eat! Especially orange jell-o or turkish delight! Crocs make your feat sweat and the shape of the faux clog just isn't workin because you can't even clog with them. I think guys that wear them look femmy. The only reason they are selling is because they have been mass produced in large quantities and are an affordable price. This makes people buy them but they are just a fad people, don't give into the fad.
(Shudder) ughhhhh I hate crocs.

What would Jesus wear?

Apparently he wouldn't wear skull and crossbone mittens. According to my aunt they are a symbol of death and pirates were and are still horrible people. "why would you want to wear something that represents death and evil?"
Oh aunty I think it is cool and I like the mysticism that surrounds pirate tales. I didn't say that because I knew my efforts would be fruitless and I would get my emotions involved and then I wouldn't be able to see her at Christmas.

Milestone

I can put my hair in a cute little ponytail! My hair has grown long enough to put in a ponytail, it only took me a year and a half! I think it looks schiek.

What the hell is coding!

I'm frustrated! I want to edit this frickin blog so that I can personalize it to my style but I don't know how to fenagle the coding???? Gosh darn I hate this whole computer savvy thing, you all tell me 'oh Adrienne I'll show you how to put pictures on here' or 'ya I'll teach you how to link things to your site' but you never do! Golly gee this is infuriating!

How to not let go....

If you do not want to let go of someone then use this recipe. I have been using for a little while now.

1.Listen to the band The Fray
Their soulful(sp?) crescending and descending off key ballads will make any heart sink and soar in a matter of seconds. Nothing like some dramatic piano and angry guitar together.

2. Be reminded of them everytime you hear their name.
It seems that lots of kids that attend the Y who have been born within the past five years have this persons name! Urgghhh

3. Be a hopeless sappy romantic and hold on and then let go and then hold on and then let go and then hold on and then let go. Repeat until you are so angry with yourself that you feel guilty for indulgeing in your daydreams.

AHHHHHH I torture myself!
I need to let go!

Greatest Fears

*I'm being brutally honest and vulnerable in this post. These are things I have seriously contemplated*

1. Being raped.
2. Haveing an unfaithful husband.
3. Being infertile.
4. Disapointing my parents.
5. Dying a slow painful death.
6. My children will not have grandparents who can run and play with them.
7. Having a child with some sort of birth defect.
8. Getting into some sort of accident that causes me to have horrible scars. AKA losing my beauty.
9. Being alone.
10. Finding the love of my life and then losing him after only a year of marraige.

Four plus four = 8

Tonight while I was coaching gymnastics one of my favourite students Ned was in attendance. I asked Ned a simple question but simple questions aren't always comprehended by him, ahahahha he makes me laugh so much! Our dialogue went something like this.

Me: Ned what grade are you in?

Ned: Eeeiiigh....errr...Four!

Me: (chuckle) Oh

Ned: (slight pause, pensive look and then in a exasperated easy going tone) I almost said eight because 4 plus 4 equals 8.

Me: (laughing) Your right. That it does.

Me: (I then tell my co-worker about our little dialogue and she laughs. I then pose another simple question to Ned.) Ned how old are you?

Ned: 8. No! 9!

Me: (I laugh again) Well you know 8 plus 1 equals 9 Ned!

Aww too cute! It is nights like these that help me to know why I keep doing this.

A repeat bump into 'the man' and my contemplations with Nouwen

Well I took Jasper for a walk tonight and on our walk I stopped into the variety store to drop off a late movie. As I was about to open the door the patron inside at the clerks desk looked up and to my surprise it was a familiar face so I smiled at him and stepped inside. It was Mr. Popular from September. I began chit chatting with him and as we were talking I saw his face become pink tinged. He was blushing?!? He was blushing because he was talking to me!?! I really feel like I have changed since high school. I think I have a new confidence and I think that is what he may have found attractive about me. I could look him in the eye confidently without being nervous. Oh Mr. Popular you are charming but you are not my type.

So I have been trying to occupy my time by reading more rather than surfing around on the internet. Joe (my pastor) lent me a book by Henri Nouwen called Out of Solitude; Three Meditations on the Christian Life. Nouwen is 'kicking my butt' as my good friend Jeff would say. I know that Joe suggested the book because he sees my struggle to define myself and to see where my strengths are. Yet he has not said something like, you should do this....instead he has just listened to me complain and then when I requested some reading from his library he gave me two books he thought I would benefit from. He said that I should read Nouwen's first. I want to quote you a passage from the book for you all.

But although the desire to be useful can be a sign of mental and spiritual health in our goal oriented society, it can also become the source of a paralyzing lack of self-esteem (I can relate). More often than not we not only have successes, we become our successes.....When we start being too impressed by the results of our work, we slowly come to the erroneous conviction that life is one large scorboard where someone is listing the points to measure our worth.....in short we are worthwhile because we have successes. In many people's lives, there is a nearly diabolic chain in which their anxieties grow according to their successes. This dark power has driven many of the greatest artists into self-destruction......we brag about the highest tower etc etc........But underneath all our emphasis on successful action, many of us suffer from deep-seated, low self-esteem and are walking around with the constant fear that someday someone will unmask the illusion and show that we are not as smart, as good, or as lovable as the world was made to believe. Once in a while someone will confess in an intimate moment, "Everyone thinks I'm very composed, but if only they knew how I really feel......" This nagging self-doubt is at the basis of so much depression in the lives of many people who are struggling it is at the basis of so much depression.....this corroding fear for the discovery of weakness prevents community and creative sharing.....we are tempted to become low hearted because of a constant self-rejection. And we are in serious danger of becoming isolated, since friendship and love are impossible without mutual vulnerability.....

With the demotion of my job has come great sorrow. I feel like I have failed. I wanted so badly to prove myself! Ever since I had to have special help in school I have wanted to do things on my own, to have help showed a sign of weakness. Now I find it hard to recieve assistance because I want to be capable of doing things on my own. When i fail I do reject myself. I feel un-worthy of being able to connect with others because I compare they're success to mine. I guess it turns out that I am not the only one who struggles wit these things. Who knew? But if success does not define us that what does? Yes, God does but how does He if we don't have to do anything? We submit to him but in being in submission we choose to do His will. And what is His will? To glorify Him. How do we glorify Him? By using our gifts. What are our gifts? How do we find them? Everything seems very ambigous, nothing is really defined. Do you see my struggle? I want to do but I want to not do at the same time? Ahhh I'm talking in circles now!

Sacred Art

Last week before I went to Cancun I dropped my dog off at my aunt's in London. After I dropped him off I went down-town to grab an icecream and walk around Victoria park. It was an abnormally nice day so I didn't want to waste it driving all day. Beside the park is a huge beautiful Catholic church that I have alway wanted to go in and look around at. I have only been inside one Catholic church before and that was in San Fran. It wasn't very big or all that old because the great fire of San Francisco had burned it down back in the day.
The Catholic church in London is much older than the one from SF, apparently it was the first church ever built in London. So I went in and started looking around. It was gorgeous! It is the type of church I would love to get married in except I'm not Catholic. It had beatiful stained glass that created rainbows of shadows on the opposing walls, it had spectacular candle lit prayer stations that were accented with gold foiled statues and a plaster knock off statue of the Christ and Mary(forget the proper name) that I learned about in OAC art history.
When I entered the sanctuary I was filled with a sense of aw and sacredness. The space was definetly meant to be a sacred place of quiet contemplative reflection on Christ's death. Another girl walked inside after I did. She went to a pew and knelt to pray. I un-ceremonially pulled out my camera and started snapping pictures of all the art. I felt a little rude about doing it but I just couldn't pass up the opportunity of capturing what I saw. The girl began lighting candles shortly and then suddenly this bossy snarky voice piped up and said 'you have to pay for all of those you know'. The girl and I looked up stunned because I think we had both thought that we were the only two people inside the church. The girl just said a small scared 'oh' and then scurried to her bag to get some coins. I was really annoyed at the nasty lady who had scolded the girl and was very tempted to say something along the lines of 'wow, what would jesus say?' or 'who cares! It is her first time in a Catholic church'. But I held my tongue and just prayed that the girl would not be afraid to enter a church again because of some stupid protective catholic born women who held onto the ritual rather than the love of her faith.
What I had noticed about the other girl who had entered the church to pray was that she looked like she was of Eastern decent, not your typical white anglo euro catholic. I thought that she could have been Italian but I'm pretty sure she wasn't. It made me wonder why she had come to the chuch? Maybe like myself she had alway seen the church and wanted to go in and then when she saw me enter she decided to take a chance as well. Maybe she was realizing her own faith was not the faith that she wanted to be a part of and so she timidly scurried into the shelter of the monstrous catholic church?
As I was admiring the art I was taking pictures of I wondered 'If I am taking pictures of these pieces of art am I making art myself or am I just stealing someone elses art?' Cuz I was capturing the pieces at different angles, playing with the reflection of light glinting off of them. I'm not sure? I'm sorry I still can't figure out how to DL pics on here but I'll try and DL the pics onto my myspace for you to see.
Also I know that Catholic churches have been built as acts of worship not simply to be the biggest and most beautiful but at a cost to the patrons who attend. Sometimes it took hundreds of years for european churches to be built. People would sometimes never see the finished products of their labour. You look at churches today and they are so sterile, they may have the odd banner hanging from the wall but no intricate craftsmanship in the design. The only thought that goes into the design is to have a large enough gym to have a huge basketball event for the youth group.
These are just my meanderings on church art.









I miss you.