Christian Online Dating and other interesting things
Okay so this is a topic I have wanted to put up but have been too chicken to because I am afraid of what people will think. Although I don't think barely anyone checks out my blog so what the heck I'll dive in.
So tonight somehow dad and I had a little heart to heart talk. We started talking about the things I want to do with my life and dad asked me the question of 'how do you think that you will be able to do all those things and raise a family at the same time?' I countered with 'well that is something I'm not really planning on doing' and 'I don't really have a reason in my life to plan on that' brief pause 'I wouldn't mind having someone in my life so that I could plan on that with.' Dad asked if I had prayed about it and I said no because I don't want to think about it. Dad said that he and mom had been praying about it ever since I was twelve. Do you feel the pressure? They know I'm not the brightest light bulb on the block so they want someone to take care of me. Someone who is an engineer and is my mom's best friend's son. Someone who gave me flowers in grade twelve and so now they....well mom hangs onto that hope.
Dad suggested that I check out some of the singles groups in Sarnia, I just looked at the floor with a look of disgust on my face. Then he suggested that if I wanted to go someplace where no one would know me I could go across the boarder. Ya, right like I want to date an American! Sorry I'm not into that! Also I feel like singles groups are just for people who are desperate, you know those theology majors or computer engineer types who have been hiding behind books or computers and have no social skills. I wouldl never meet anyone who I could connect with, unless I like the nice guys who are just too nice!
I have an acquaintence in Sarnia who met her current boyfriend on a Christian singles web-site. This girl had been telling me about how she wasn't interested in meeting anyone because she had things to do and a career to concentrate on, then two months later she meets this guy on this Christian site. If you want to check out the site it is www.christiancafe.com. So anyway she tells me these things and then she goes on a singles site? I swear people are so full of bullshit sometimes, especially the ones who say 'ya I wasn't even looking for a bf or gf, it just happened!' Whatever! So this girl that met her guy online is absolutely gorgeous, tall, thin, blond, with a perky personality, capable of intelligent conversation, active and really sweet. Yet, in a town like the one I live in she couldn't find a man worth her attention so she turns to online dating!?! So I decided to check out this site I type in female seeking male (oooohhh some good funk just came on, shake your body a little), choose the age bracket of 26-30. So I look at some of the guys pictures and profiles. Most of the guys are the theology type of guys who just can't get a girl and have held onto the hope that God made us one person to be compatable with. If that were true then why did God make Saul and David? Why not just stick with Saul and make everyone suffer? So I try looking at younger guys and they seem a lot better off buuuuttt too young! I dunno what I think of meeting a guy online, it just doesn't seem natural or romantic!?! Yet why couldn't God work through the internet to introduce you to someone else? As one guy in his bio put 'I just don't feel like this is the right venue in which God wants me to meet someone.' It is a venue that God could or could not work through.
As a female who has chosen the internet to try and find a guy what kind of etiquette is involved? Does the girl make the first move by contacting a guy? Or does she just calmly wait for the guy to check out her bio? Who innitiates the first meeting? Should one post their picture or not. Speaking of which I pretended to be a male searching a female and found a couple shots of women spilling their cleavage in the shots, nice lets prey on the whole lust factor!?! Urgghhh girls are sooo stupid!
Anway so I'm not really worried about it but I have been thinking about it. My Aunt is 36 and still hasn't met the right guy. She is gorgeous, she is a combination of Charlize Theron and Tyra Banks and has had her heart brocken numerous times. She has a career, lectures at U of T, is very giving but no one wants to settle with her. That just gets me thinking a little. Cuz most guys who are worth my time are married or engaged, if your a Christian you get married young just cuz no one wants to wait for sex for too long. But God supplies right? Maybe one of their wives will die and then I'll have a chance? (Jokes Jokes....or am I?) And so I will end on that note.
posted by Adrienne at
7:41 PM
6 Comments:
A few comments:
- I resent that comment about 'Computer Engineer types', although I'm in computer science, not computer engineering. ;)
- I'm 'subscribed' to your blog along with around 20 others I read. So atleast one person is reading this stuff. :)
- If I was rediculously good looking, I think I would turn to the internet to find a mate. I dont know how people who are extremely hot ever find people who they can trust to like them for more than their hotness.
- I think when you date online and you find someone you like you have to ask yourself "why is this person dating online?" More specifically, "What is it about this person that makes them unable to find a mate in real life?" But ultimately, if you're looking for someone without any flaws, you're going to look forever. So maybe the internet allows us to get through the pleasantries and quickly get to whats important.
- BTW, Sorry I think I'm too young for you. How old are you anyways? (Or are you at the age where its rude for me to ask that?) ;)
- I feel sorry for girls in Christian circles. I'm involved in a Campus Ministry at my school and the ratio is AT MOST 3 guys to 5 girls.
- Plus girls have to deal with waiting for the guy to ask them out, when as a guy, I can 'make my move' whenever I feel comfortable.
Sorry if this got a little long. I didn't mean to show you up!! Let me know what you think!
1:30 PM
I'm an engineer, too.
Engineers don't seem to have too much trouble dating.
But, dude, I think you should keep in mind that internet dating works sometimes. I'm not saying everyone should do it, but one should be careful in stereotyping the people who do it.
Do we need to ask "Why can't this person find a person in real life?"? Well... why can't I?!
And to internet dating not being romantic - Haven't you seen You've Got Mail?
7:43 PM
Oh man Mike after I wrote that whole computer engineer thing I remembered that you are into all that comp stuff. You def don't fit into that stereo-type. Sometimes I just spout off at the mouth and I feel even more freedom to do so now becuase it MY VERY OWN BLOG. Not someone elses.
Hey how did you see how many people are subscribed to my blog? I tried looking in my settings and couldn't find anything that would lead me to see the subscribers.
Your comments were good, definetly thought provoking. Ya, I'm glad I'm not 'ridiculously hot' because then I wouldn't really know if someone liked me for who I was or for my beauty. I guess the internet is a good way to skip that part as long as one does not post a glamour shot or a sexually suggestive shot.
I'm getting up their in age, I am currently 24 and very soon I will be 25. Which is a scary thing but a good thing too. Finally past the early twenties and onto the mature late twenties.
Oh and your comment about their being more females in your Christian Campus club, so true eh! Even in our churches their are more females than males and the males that end up going don't appear very excited about being their. My dad has a book that I started reading out of curiousity called 'why men hate going to church' by David Murrow. He talked about how their must be something wrong with the way that the church is formatted that keeps men away. From what I read I thought it was a good read.
Thank you for replying I enjoyed your comments.
6:13 PM
Dear Sequestered,
Ha I found you Esther! Yes I am a detective, it took a few clicks of the mouse and a search engine but I did it! By the way you are great! I miss your biting sarcasm and ever witty comments. Hey you and Mike are both engineers why don't you get together? I could set you up? I could be similiar to 'You Got Mail' Jokes jokes.
Your right Esther online dating could work, it is just such a foriegn concept to me. I'm not biased towards engineers just towards one certain one my mom thinks is suppose to be my life partner. Anway dinner is on.
Cheers
6:24 PM
Ade.
"Dad suggested that I check out some of the singles groups in Sarnia,
I just looked at the floor with a look of disgust on my face."
"I feel like singles groups are just for people who are desperate, you
know those theology majors or computer engineer types who have been
hiding behind books or computers and have no social skills"
At first I'm thinking "what's wrong with Sarnia people?" then I am
thinking "wow, stereotyping the singles groups!!!"
But then I think about it. Sarnia is a different city. In the church
scene, you have people who like to wave flags and have this very
conservative view on things (I know, now I am stereotyping) and anyone
who had/has an interest with God at all felt a calling to be a pastor
and promptly left.
That's what I used to think anyway. As it turns out, Sarnia is full of
very interesting people and I find myself having in-depth conversations
with people I would never have imagined (not saying that I am the most
in-depth person in any regard). I think a problem we have gotten into
is the "haves and have not." In regards of having or not having a
Christian background, have or not having a good understanding on
Christian theology, have or not having it "all together."
I find most of the "Christian" people I meet would never think to step
in a church. And that's what kills me. The label and the credentials
we have put on people about what they know about certain issues, what
denomination they belong to, what there parents believe and what there
attached to. I personally think that if you're looking for a "mate"
then don't just constrict your search to a church or someone who attends
one just because people have told you your whole life to find a "good
Christian boy."
This is a time in history where people are finding faith outside of the
walls of the building we know as church. God exists beyond the walls,
everywhere, and people are keen on finding it.
Now you will think to yourself "well the only place I could find someone
not in a church is going to a bar." A lot of people find this to be
true; especially the 20 some things. So thanks to technology, people
can go on line, which I don't think there to be a problem at all with.
I went to school with all adults (I was the youngest by at least 10
years) and they all had "friends" they chatted away to on line.
I am no expert on it as the only "on-line dating" I do is with my
Girlfriend on MSN and only that is to say "call me." All my knowledge
comes from a class full of middle aged online dating experts. And they
say that meeting on line is way better. You get off work and you're
tired. You come home to where you are comfortable and you can do what
it is you wanted to do with that person when you first meet them - talk.
The stereo-type for people that meet on line is that there "freaks,
loners, nerds and desperate" but my class mates asked me to think about
it. What's worse, chatting with someone in the comforts of your own
home or prostituting yourself out at a bar (where you can't hear that
person) or prostituting your self out at church where you have to put on
your "gospel" face? Ill admit that there are some freaks on line.
But how is that any different from going anywhere, anytime? The only
difference between on line and in person is the physical screening
process which actually might benefit those "nice guys" but not so nice
looking.
Meeting people isn't supposed to be an art or a style. You can meet
"that special someone" in the weirdest of circumstances and times. Yet
we get depressed because we watch TV and movies and we have completely
lost the idea of being swept of our feet.
In real life, cold play doesn't start playing in the background when you
meet "the one" and depressing music doesn't play when you're upset.
Ade, Your not perfect, and let me save you the suspense, your partner
(when you meet him) isn't either. But the question isn't whether your
partner is perfect or not but whether you and your partner are perfect
for each other. In essence, you will have to come to see that its
peoples imperfections that make them perfect.
9:11 PM
Whoa, okay what do I say to that. Let me get back to you. I feel like you guys think that I'm really discouraged about the dating scene. I'm not, I just had some thoughts about Christians and online dating.
5:50 PM
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