Bubble wrap and other things that go bang......

Okay so I finally get to finish this post.
So today was a not soooo good day it was as though this haze was surrounding me but I'll get to that more later.
Okay so at work we have to un-wrap a lot of the Christmas gifts, and some of them come wrapped in bubble wrap. One day we had all of the bubble wrap on the ground in the back (aka dungeon/garage), I was working a way and Beth walks by on her way to somewhere and stomps on a few of the pieces of bubble wrap. I then say to her "Beth! No no you have to do it like this" and proceed to do a river dance on the bubble wrap. However just as I am doing this, this boy Dar walks in and sees me. Dar is pretty cute so I kind of got embarrassed and quickly stopped and said "that was just me being a geek". He laughs at me and walks away. Ah yes I am a geek and proud of it!
Okay the next part of the story I am cringing about writting but want to write it anyway. Okay so Saturday I had to run an errand for my dad. So I am driving on my way to get whatever it was that he needed. I get to the stop lights just outside of my subdivision and go to make a quick stop, all of sudden my car isn't stopping, I push down on the breaks hard and wait for backup ones them to kick in, still nothing and the car in front of me is getting rapidly closer to me and then bam I slam into them! I realize now that I should have pulled on the emergency break and down shifted instead urggghhhh. So I get out and I look at the damage and repeatedly apologize. Then I look behind me and their is Dar driving a company truck, still dazed and embarrassed I smile and wave to him hoping that if I look fine he will not think that it is wierd that I am standing on the road beside my car with my flashers on (oh pride pride). He smiles and waves back and turns the truck into the parking lot of the variety store. I assume that he is just going to drive by but no! A few moments later I see him sauntering across the parking lot towards me. He comes over to me and asks me a few questions, asks if I am alright, tells me to give him a call at work if I need anything. He then leaves and I am left thinking, 'how can he be so nice to me? He barely even knows me and he is so kind and considerate. If I was in his shoes I would have just driven by'. Dar is the one who also got me my new job after briefly meeting me one night that he decided to randomly volunteer at the youth drop-in, he gets me a job at his work. Bizarre(sp?), how do I gain people's favour so easily? I call my dad and he comes by exchanges info with the lady I hit and tells her where to get a good deal on a new bumper if she needs one. I only put a few scratches on her car so we didn't think it would be a biggy. Then I forgot my shift at work that day because of the whole ordeal, that and I put my new schedule up that said I had the next Sat off and not the Sat that I was currently in. Me being the scatter brain I am got confused. So that made me feel even worse, I hate letting others down because in letting them down I let myself down. Work was pretty understanding about it cuz Dar told everyone about what happened(a good an bad thing).
A day goes by and no word from the lady, then another day comes and dad gets a phone call, she has decided to get a new bumper and it is going to cost me $1000.00! This is money I have been saving for awhile, it isn't much but it is all I have. So last night I cried cuz not only that but applying to the Universities I want to go to is going to cost me $500.00. So needless to say I cried a lot last night because I honestly don't know how I will get a job where I make decent money to do the things I dream of doing.
Today wasn't any better I screwed up twice on cash and was so dissappointed with myself. Their is a lot to remember on the computers and then trying to answer the phones without accidentally hanging up on people instead of transferring them is frustrating. When am I going to find something I excel at? I'm good with people, I'm good at being a friend.....but who gets paid to be a friend? Although I have been wondering if I am a very good friend, none of my friends who have gotten married have asked me to be in their weddings, my one friend who I thought I would have a garanteed chance at standing with her on the biggest day of her life has not invited me to have that pleasure. She was and is? my closest friend and it fucken hurts to know that I am not as important to her as she is to me.
Dad recently gave me a tape by John Maxwell entitled 5 (or 7?) things that don't require talent and I can remember three of them;
Innitiative- Being motivated enough do something or to take a chance.
Courage-Mastering fear not eliminating fear.
Teachability-Being willing to learn something new and take correction.
I can do those things and have done those things but does it make me feel any better, not really because right now I have no outlet to do them in. Ohhhh how my heart hurts, it hurts so badly I feel as though I will explode! I need purpose, I need comfort, and I need arms around me.