Celibacy Over Divorce

Flash Backs

March 2006 at the YMCA Day Camp, the day before St. Patrick's Day

Me: I like your hair Jolene and Stuart (its green and spiked). Who did it?

Stu: My dad did. [Jolene lovingly latches onto her brother]

Me: It looks really cool! He did a good job!

Stu: My mom and dad are getting a divorce.

Me: (concerned voice) Oh I'm sorry Stu, when did you find out?

Stu: When they fighted.

Me: How does that make you feel?

Stu: It makes me feel bad.

Me: I'm sorry you have to go through this. Is their anyway that your dad and mom can work it out?

Stu: (Blank Stare) Dad has to go away for a week, he is going on a trip and said that he would bring us something back. His friend did our hair today.

Me: Oh. I'm sorry, I hope he brings you something cool back [Unsure of what else to say I walk away]

These two children are only 6 and 4! This means that only two or three years after their second child the parent decided to get a divorce! Who does that! I had watched that morning as their dad dropped them off and spent five minutes saying good-bye to them as though it would be his last time seeing them. These two children have cherub like faces and you would never suspect that such turmoil was happening in their life. I suspect that the father and mother grew apart and he found someone else.

Flash Back Feb. 2006 YMCA

Katherine: Guess what I'm doing this weekend Ms. Adrienne?

Me: What Kat?

Katherine: Me and my dad are going to watch two movies together and make popcorn. I don't get to see him very often because he is always with her mom (points to her step-sister).

Step-sister: Do I get to come?

Katherine: (bossy voice) No its just me and my dad this weekend!

Me: That sounds like fun Kat I hope that you have a fun time.

I didn't really like Kat at first because she was a know it all and tried my patience more than once. Now that I understand where she is coming from I realize that she probably has to fight to be noticed by her dad because he is busy with his job, new wife and demanding step child. I have tried to be more patient and attentive to Kat. I think my work has paid off because she is one of my favourite students now.

I was talking with some old friends of mine and they told me of a couple I knew of who after only two years of marraige divorced. Out of the six people in the room I was the only person who expressed sorrow at such a lost. My friend who has hardened herself through out the years due to many boyfriends stated "what? he's still hot he can still find someone". I quickly brough the subject back to the saddness that such a union lasted only two years....if that.

I have witnessed the heart break of some of my friend's marraiges and have come to the conclusion that I would rather be celibate for the rest of my life rather than go through divorce. Even if kids aren't involved I feel that divorce is like death. Two people were brought together to represent the masculine and feminine side of God. They were made one together. When that is gone the union is brocken and dies. How many times do we think of our married friends as one in the same? You can't really imagine them apart!?! Then when it happens their is so much brockeness! Lost.

I read an article a few months ago in a progressive Christian magazine I found at the Library that talked about the affects of divorce on children. Even if kids would rather their parents divorce because they want they're parents to stop fighting they still hang onto the hope of having their parents live in harmony together.

This is the way that God made us, to have a mother and father. Both are God like figures to us, without one or the other our lives are incomplete.

What happened to the sacredness of marraige? I think that romance has ruined it! Back in the old days people married for financial reasons not strictly love. Now their is no need for marraige to be based upon finance but on feelings? Where is the balance?

Last Words

Love takes work. To quote old school DC Talk 'Love is a verb'.

Memories of Cali

1. Rustless cars because none of them were past 2000
2. Unless they were the pimped out cadies the Latinos cruised in.
3. Cafes on every corner, specifically Starbucks. Starbucks started on the West Coast in Seattle WA.
4. Organic candies in vending machines. No joke! Only in California!
5. Commercials to promote diabetes awaremeness caused by childhood obesity. Cute kids asking their parents 'can I have some sugar please' 'can I have some grease pllleeeaaase. I promise I'll be good!'
6. The VW billboard that said 'Fast as schnell" I don't get it? Schnell means fast in German. So the sign actually says fast as fast. Wierd
7. The most green and lush land I have ever seen in my life! The earth is deep brown and the hills are flourescent green!
8. Raw Vegan Food restaurant
My meal was
Marinara Pasta
Sun-dried tomato marinara sauce, bell peppers, onions, macadamia nut cheese and shitake mushrooms.
Desert
Key Lime Coconut Cream Pie
Avocado and lime filling topped with fresh whipped coconut cream.
9. Walking in the Redwoods! They are fire resistant and procreate from their trunks. So cool I love the smell of the trees. Sooo fresh and clean.

Letter to the Dead

Dear Ross,
It has been 9 years since you have been gone but your memory still lives on in my mind. I miss you! Yesterday we celebrated my grandpa's 75th birthday, it was more of a good bye party because hes dieing. He has cancer. You will be seeing him in heaven soon. When he arrives you and uncle Al can play some pranks on people in heaven hee-hee. He is in really good spirits right now and I think that it is because he is looking forward to leaving earth. Its probably because important things are becoming more apparent to him now, he smiles and laughs more. He knows how to slow down and enjoy life.
Oh gosh I miss you. I was talking to your step dad and asking him how things were with him you know trying to make small talk asking all the right questions and probing my brain for the right questions to ask in order to avoid 'the' awkward silence. I almost asked him how you were doing and what you were doing now but stopped myself. Thank goodness I did! Can you imagine how awkward it would have been if I had asked that?!? No recovery could hide those questions. Now that I come to think of it, that is kind of a good thing because it just feels as though you are away not necessarily that you don't exist and in a sense that is true. You just went to heaven before any of us.
So I talked to your nephew Beck, man oh man has he grown up! He is 16! That was how old you were when you died! Scary eh! I found out that some of your other nephews are 18-19! I can't believe that! Sigh I am getting old even if I don't feel like it. Beck reminds me a little of you, he has the same sort of cockiness that you did when you were his age and he has that same sort of naivety that you had. His mom (your sister) is just as strict with her kids as your mom was. You would think that after her time of rebellion against your mom she wouldn't enforce the same guide lines with her kids. It doesn't help that she has home schooled all of them, they live in the middle of nowhere, the church they go to doesn't have a youth group and they aren't involved in any organized sports. At least you went to the Christian school and were involved with soccer. Speaking of which Beck said that he doesn't remeber you much except that you were an awsome soccer player. I agreed with him on this point even though I never saw you play. I'm still cursing myself for missing out on those two times that you asked me to come to your games. So sorry. Well Beck made that remark after I said to him 'this is the time when your uncle Ross and I would go off together and do our own thing'. I was referring to how boring the party was, cuz it was! Too many old people and too much small talk; 'so what are you doing now' 'are you in school' 'oh your not 18?' blah blah blah blah. Guuurrrrrrrr
Well I'm worried about Beck. You see he was trying to tell me about how he has gone to a bunch of youth conferences, so I asked him what ones he had gone to and well I don't think he has been to any 'youth' oriented conferences but he has been to conferences. He has also started being interested in girls, I think he has a a new appreciation for his appearance the word vanity comes to mind. Very much like you were! He is a cute boy, just lacking some social skills. He told me about how their is only one other girl at his church his age and his mom wants him to hook up with her except he isn't really interested in her. Later on I find out he is 'dating' a girl he sees once in awhile. She goes to a tight Baptist church in Toronto that they sing at once in awhile. I think that your sister is coming to the realization that her kids need to get out if they are ever going to find a life mate.
I am going to try and aid in his socialization as much as possible I told him I would find out some youth conferences that he could go to and trust me I am! I am going to also send him the latest Relient K ep. I figure he could stand to learn a little bit about what quality music sounds like. Don't worry it is the acoustic version of the songs so it won't shock him too much! Just like you educated me about listening to rock music that is creative rather than cookie cutter Newsboys and DCTalk I plan on doing the same. Only I'm going to have to start from ground zero because Beck has probably only really been introduced to the likes of Rebecca St. James and Chris Rice. Ughhhh so Dove label. I know Relient K is still pretty mainstream but they write their own stuff and it has some creativity. I don't think they were around when you were alive but I think you would have liked them. You liked punk music before it even became popular. The reason that I want to do this is because I don't think that his parents have allowed him to fully experience what good music sounds like. Beck is singing with his mom and siblings at different churches, which is really sweet but still he is 16 not 12! He actually wants to pursue a career as a musician but with the music they sing I don't think he will get far with. They are opening for some old guy from the Imperials next month so you can just imagine!
In a way he kind of reminds me of you and how you wanted to be a rock star. I remember how you said that when you made it big you wanted to have a show where during the intermission after growing your hair super long you would shave it all off.
*Random Tangent* Their mom has allowed them to watch the movie Napoleon Dynamite. This is a movie I think you would have really liked. Anyway I was quoting a bunch of lines from the movie with him. Good times! 'My lips hurt real bad' 'lucky!' 'Tina you fat lard!' Ah so funny! You have to see the movie to fully appreciate the lines I guess. It is in the assonance(sp?) of how Napoleon says them.
Well Ross I wish you were here, I think we would have stayed in touch. We could have gone to concerts together dated each others friends but God had other plans. He wanted you home with Him. Just to let you know I look for guys who have similiar character traits as you: confident, funny, play the guitar, make me laugh, adventurous, crafty(as in sneaky), some what athletic, creative, goofy, good looking, skate-board, intellectual. They may not have all of these traits but they usually have some of them, most of all I look for the humour aspect.
Maybe God will allow you to see this post from heaven. That would be cool eh!
Well my friend and cousin I will see you LATER!
Love Adrienne
PS I heard about the prank you played on the guy from school up in Brockville. I can't believe you put Tabasco in his eyes while he was sleeping! Your mom said that you didn't mind digging the ditch as a punishment because it was right by the soccer field so then you could watch soccer at the same time. Silly boy!

None Linear Thinking

So I have watched a couple of movies this week that got me thinking.....I know I know I watch too many movies....and I do but I love them. They help me escape and I genuinly appreciate the work that goes into acting, directing and producing a piece of work. I'm the type of person to watch all the extras on a DVD to see how a movie is made and to see the actors outside of their characters.
Okay so the first movie that got me thinking was the newest Harry Potter movie, my dad rented it and mom and I came home half way through it. Mom of course freaked out but I was intrigued I have read two of the books (strange but cool music is playing right now Bright, Bells Break their Towers, Album It's what I Need...need to look into them...).....where was I....right so I have read two of the books in the series but stopped because I got too scared. I have mixed feeling because my aunt and uncle were at one time okay with reading them but then they had some sort of spooky situation happen in their house where they thought that entertaining the books within the house caused it so they burned them. Afterwards all was well. Yet I have other Christian friends who argue that the books are fine. These friends have never had any spooky things happen to themselves because of the books.
So anyway as I was watching the movie I began analyzing it and then I just gave up. I gave up because some things you just can't analyze their is no logical sense to them. Spirits and magic are real things yet christianity is seems chooses to play it safe and not talk about them. Which I
can understand because often by talking about them you can stop focusing on the things that are important ie: knowing God and being known by him, learning about what love really is. The other things distract us from what is really of value. We humans do not understand the spiritual realm other than that it does battle for our souls (read Lewis's book Screwtap Letters). At the same time we as humans do have free will but also we have a predisposition towards certain behaviour. Ahhhh so confused thoughts are jumbled!
People are sick of one line of thought, that everything can be explained through the psycological. They can't and that is why I understand the craze of Harry Potter. HP explores the spiritual and the unexplainable. It shows some sense of reality very well, demon posession, the human spirit and its connectedness with others. It shows the sensing feeling people of this world (more on this later). Mom told me later on about how we are to have nothing to do with witch craft and that God hates witch craft. I agree witch craft does some crazy stuff but at the same time what was defined as witch craft in the Bible?
Okay so the next movie I watched I totally loved! I know that you will laugh but it was "A Lot Like Heaven" with two of my fav actors Reese Witherspoon and Mark Ruffalo sigh he is so dreamy tee-hee. Gotta love those brown eyes, just want to squeeze those dimples (no not his ass!). Anyway Reese Witherspoon plays the spirit of this girl in a comma (rad electronica just came on and I had to get my groove on The Juan McLean...) who's San Francesico apt is rented out to a lonesome widower. To make a long story short or short story turned long short.....you get my drift Mark Ruffalo's character must come to grips with the fact that she and him are meant to be and he is what is suppose to help her come out of her coma so that she can be reconnected with her body. Ya ya ya they fall in love and live happily ever after.
The movie made think about how exactly are spirit and our body are inter-connected? I really do think that this topic is not brough up enough, I truly do believe people can have out of body experiences. I am very much a sensing feeling type of person I sense things sometimes I'm wrong and sometimes I'm right.
Well enough of my babbling what are your thoughts and please don't try and argue for or against Harry Potter because that wasn't what this post was about.