California and other things

Update
Tuesday mom and I met up with her friend Vikki who was at the conference with her husband. We went to the San Jose textile museum and the SJ museum of modern art. Both very inspiring and facinating places. At first I didn't really want to go to the textile museum because I thought that it would be boring, I thought we would learn about how flax and wool were produced. Not that that isn't interesting but it isn't facinating....do you understand? Anyway it was as I said before very facinating. The Artist on display was a California artist by the name of Jean Ray Laury, she is a spunky women who has been making amazing quilts for years that pioneer women's right. She is def a feminist! Her spunk and creatively were made apparent in her work. After my tour of her amazing works of art I looked in the gift shop to see if I could find anything to bring home to show you (my friends) but the photo's of her work were of poor quality and just didn't do justice to her pieces. I found a photo of her in one of the books, she (lol) is this cute trendy old lady with mamoth red rimmed glasses with a cherry shaped mouth. As I was looking through her book this women of the same features walked directly through the door, it was a very surreal experience! It was her! So I went and said hello and told her of my appreciation of her work. She was just as sweet as her picture depicted of her in the book I perused.
So then we moved onto the SJ museum of modern art. Tres cool! They were displaying a private collection of Chicano artists. These are artists who are activists for the rights of American Mexicans, so I recieved a history lesson with my viewing. The upper half housed ceramic scultures and multi media images. I liked it a lot very experimental images.
Wednesday
I had the day to myself. I welcome relief! Dad gave me the car and I went to the huge mall up the road. I really didn't want to road trip on my own for fear of getting lost by myself in a foriegn land. I panic when I get lost. Anyway so I went to the mall and was sickened by the sense of materialism within. I really don't like malls anymore, God is taking me to a new level of simpler living. I'm begining to really be content with what I have already and to desire only what I need. I think being broke has helped me to understand how to not spend. While I was at the mall I was assaulted by the innocent intentions of two younge sales men trying to do their job and make a commision. I blushed and giggled with embarassment as they petted my ego and tried to cop a feel at my wallet. Afterwards I came away with the feeling of being robbed of my dignity and the air being too thick for me to breath into my lungs. The world was spinning from these two forward gentlemen who used charm and fast one liners to lure me to buy some of their products. Urgghhhh I have such a bad taste in my mouth still thinking of it.
To rid myself of these experiences I went and had lunch at whole foods, their I was surrounded by eco friendly goods and envrio concience college students for clerks. After lunch I then went to Barnes and Nobles and lost myself within a book I did not buy.
Yesterday (Thursday) mom and I went to Carmel. This was a good and bad experience. Everything started off okay but then soon escalated out of hand. Urgghhhh I hate remembering but want to tell it. So in the car I began to get very lethargic and tired. I really had no desire to go to Carmel. Carmel is a very wealthy town filled with beach side houses that are quaint but elaboratly designed to out do their neighbours (I before e except after c or as in neighbour and weigh?). So needless to say I felt out of my element and out of place. Mom was sooo excited to be their and in her excitment her voice became even higher than it usually is and her chatter increased even more. I began to get agitated and started using my 'don't bug me' tone of voice. She became irritated with me because of my lack of enthusiasm and began to get even shriller in her tones, and was calling attention to us even more. This increased my agitation more because I was trying to appear as inconspicuous as possible. I was getting bossy and mom was getting hurt by my curt answers. Well things erupted in a photo shop over buying fuji film.
This ended in mom and I confronting each other on a street corner. Mom told me to sit down for fifteen minutes and pray. This agitated me more....but I did it knowing I needed a breather from her. I then felt this cloud around me slowly lift, the migraine I had went away as well. I realized how big of a bitch I was being and felt shame and remorse. I really felt like some sort of opressive spirit had settle on me. Mom came back and I apologized, I explained how I didn't like the materialism of Carmel and that I felt awkward in the town. We made up and the day went much smoother. I really felt like that encounter is the begining of something new for me. Oh God help me to be more sensitive to my mother and to express my feeling better rather than lashing out.
Today (Friday) we went up along the coast to Big Sur we had half a day of sunshine and half a day of rain. We saw some great ocean scenes and some decent sized Red Woods, we returned back to Carmel briefly and showed dad around. Nothing too eventful other than I had the best burito in my life outside of Pfieffer national park.

I need more sunshine!

Please pray that I get more sunshine! Yesterday was rainy and today gave us partial sun.

Thought for the Day (or my life)

Skinny doesn't = Pretty
I have been eating way too much! My metabolism has definetly slowed down since I was a kid and use to go on vacation with my parents. I remember being able to eat so much more and not having to worry about adding weight to my love handles!
Sigh women and their relationship with food, something I want to research someday.
Anyway onto more interesting things. Yesterday my parents and I went to San Fran, sooooo beautiful and cool. God gave us a beautiful day of sunshine with a cool breeze, it was suppose to shower but never did. We saw some magnificent sights and sounds. SF is an amazing architectural feat! The way things are built on steep hills boggles the mind! Parking is crazy! Everythings is compacted together and their is no grass anywhere. I loved the designs of the building very Greco Victorian, you have this feeling of being in France (although I have never been in France except from what I have seen in movies). The city is sooo clean! Definetly a romantic place, I love it! I'm a little bumed thought because although we did see all the touristy sights I really want to see all the quaint little boutiques I have heard about.
Things I have noticed about the area is that their are a lot of hispanic and asian. I expected the latinos but foregot about the asians. The asian population is not like the asian population in Toronto that I am use to, they aren't FOBs but very Americanized. I guess during the gold rush a lot of them settled here either that or the American melting pot forces them to conform. Also sometimes I am confused by the ethnic origins of some of them because the Asians and Latinos integrate themselves together so you have malatos. I love watching people especially within such an ethnically diverse state.
Today mom and I went to Whole Foods, lots of fun! I love that store. Wall to wall with organic goods and food. It was a dream come true. I bought some products I can't find in Sarnia. Mom and I bought lunch from the eatery. It was very good to eat a decent salad and fruit again. I immediatly felt energized, my body needed the nutrients it got from the plants.
Then we went to Santa Cruz and went to UCLA's Agroecology campus where they have their own organic farm. Unfortunately it was raining pretty hard and it is their off season so we really didn't see much. We then decided to take the scenic way home. We stopped off at a Patagonia clothing store and looked at their outdoor clothing. They recycle synthetic fibers to make new clothing as well as use organic cotton and hemp. Very 'rightous rags'! I splurged and bought myself a purple hoody, it was on sale and too hard to give up. Well our scenic route was way too scenic we ended up going through the moutains and what should have taken us 1/2 hours the one way took us 2 hours, it was a lovely drive through beautiful trees but we didn't think it would take us so long. My nerves were shot at the end of the drive because we kind of knew where we were going but didn't really know. I hate that feeling!
Anyway I'll tell you more later okay.

I'm in LOVE...

with California! I am walking the streets of San Jose and it is beautiful! Yet at the same time it is one of those moutain top experiences where it isn't that great because I have no one to share it with. I keep telling myself to get over it but I can't! Why can't I be one of those only children who enjoys going on vacation with their parents. I must seem like such a spoiled brat! But I want someone ot experience these beutiful things with me!
We are in silicon valley, it is a beutiful bowl surrounded by lush mountains and sunshine. Today we'll go to San Fran and site see down by the wharf.
The air is so light and warm I want to live here forever!
Oh goodness why can't someone be here with me!

Questioning Myself and My Random Thoughts on HIV Chimps

So I have been analyzing myself a lot lately and these are three questions I have been contemplating.
1. Am I immature for my age? I feel like I am being left behind in some aspects, my other friends seem to be moving ahead in life and I feel like I'm not.
2. Am I afraid of commitment? Do I shy away from relationships because I don't want to commit? Am I scared of committing to one job or guy?
3. Why am I such a bitch sometimes? I find myself being super critical and impatient with others.

Okay on a completly different subject my thoughs on HIV chimps. For awhile now I have theorized that HIV and AIDS is a mutated viruses that happened because of sexual immorality ie: Gods punishment. Not to say that everyone who contracts these viruses is sexually immoral but that the spread of them increases ten fold as a consequence of sexual immorality. My theory is (or was) that these viruses could have started as a simple infection being spread through sexual encounters. Through the years and centuries these viruses became very resilent and eventually grew into these deadly viruses that have no cure.
Although recently my theory has been challenged by an article that I read in a health magazine. In Montreal their is a sanctuary for HIV infected chimps these chimp were rescued from a laboratory that obviously purposefully infected them with the cruel virus. The chimps were neglected in the laboratory and signs of abuse were evident by the horrible state that the animals were found to be in. In the article it stated that after being put in the sactuary and undergoing therapy the chimps are no longer infected with the virus. Which makes me wonder if the virus can be healed through genuine care from people rather than drugs and isolation?

Please be advised that I am not trained in medicine nor do I claim to be a scientist, these are only my incoherent ramblings and can probably be easily refuted!

Laughing at Myself

Sometimes I just gotta laugh at myself cuz I am such a crazy person.
So last night I was at the Annex, I brought my skate-board(brand new from Christmas) and took it out for the first time. I got the roller-blader boys to teach me how to ride it. It seems that I ride my board 'goofy', this term means I ride it the opposite way that I am suppose to. I face left rather than right. I put the board down and asked Jack how to get on it. Jack says 'just get on and that is how you get on', so I do and he starts laughing! And says 'you ride it goofy!' Ah well!
So anyway they teach me how to ride it and in the process show me all the tricks they can do on my board. Then some of the other volunteers show up later. One of them is my work friend Dar. The same Dar who I had the bubble wrap encounter with at work and various other embarassing moments. See these encounters would not be embarassing for me if I wasn't attracted to him. Thus because I am attracted to him these awkward moments are made into embarassing moments. However I have pretty much gotten passed that awkward stage and now we are 'pals'. So anyway I was so excited to show off my mad rolling skills on my skate-board that I shout out to him 'hey Dar watch me' and as I am rolling toward him I totally wipe out and land on my side. LOL it was so funny! He is such a sweet boy he gets all concerned and asks if I am okay. I am laughing histarically(sp) because I am realizing how funny I must have looked! Dar proceeds to pick me up and jerks me up right so fast that I am swept off the ground(no really I was). Oh am such a geek, I love that I can laugh at myself, it keeps me younge.
Hey have you guys ever googled yourself? I do it all the time! I never find myself though I just find my cloned name. My other namesake is a nurse in Florida. Today I tried googleing my name again and I found 'me', I my resume that i posted came up! Cool eh! Now to get my blog to be popular enough so that I can be found on the blogspot search. Ah yes I set my goals high don't I! Hee-hee

Guilty Pleasures

1. Kelly Clarkson
2. Steven Curtis Chapman

Don't judge me! I like em!

What's Currently in my CD Player

Amberlin's Never Take Friendship Personal
Such a good CD, why didn't I decide I liked this band sooner! At first I didn't like Stephen Christian's voice but now I love it! Their is something soooo haunting and soulful about it. Their are times when I feel like he is singing directly to me! Ya, I'm such a sucker for a guy with a nice voice (tee-hee). I wish now that i had seen them play at Cornerstone. Ah, well. Although, I did see Stephen Christian's impromtu solo performance at C-stone. I didn't even know who he was and I was only one of six standing around.
Anyway the title of the CD has gotten me thinking a little bit; 'Never Take Friendship Personal'. At first I thought that it could mean don't go beyond the confines of friendship with one of your best guy or girl friends....but then I have been listening to the CD more and I think it means to do the opposite. Rather the title means don't worry about going beyond those lines, you may regret that you didn't. Dude I so know what that is like. I have always been the best girl pal to my guy friends and then one of my guy pals would get a gf and I would think 'wait I am interested in you'. Ah yes I am one of those competitive girls who likes the chase. One of my character flaws in life. Haha this is the first time I think that I have gotten personal about my encounters with the opposite sex on this blog.
So their is this song on the CD that I feel speaks directly to me, it is called 'A Day Late'. Here are the lyrics.

A Day Late

So let me get this straight
You say now you've loved me all along
What made you hesitate
to tell me with words what you really feel?
I can see it in your eyes
You mean all of what you say
I remember so long ago, see I felt the same way
Now we both have seperate lives and lovers
Insignificantly enough
we both have significant others
Only time will tell
We are who we were when
Could have been lovers
but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who, we are who we were when
Who knew what we knew now
Could have been more
but at least your still my day late friend
We are who, we are who we were when
but thoughts they change
and times they rearrange
I don't know who you are anymore
Loves come and go now and this I know
I'm not who you recall anymore
But I must confess
you're so much more than I remember
Can't help but entertain
these thoughts of us together
So let me get this straight
All these years
and you were nowhere to be found
And now you want me for you own
But you're a day late
and my love, she's still renowned

Sometimes I wonder why I missed the boat on dating? Was it because I wouldn't take a chanc? Or God knew I couldn't take the heart break? Or I just needed to learn how to have a love relationship with God?( don't date until your ready to mate)
It seems like Stephen Christian has had his ups and downs with dating. I remember his last words to the audience (of six) at C-stone were (as he looked directly at me) [insert bitter tone] "girls don't date rock stars they'll only break your heart." I was indignant at first when I heard this because i was thinking that he probably thought that I was some sixteen year old aw struck groupie ( I was 23 at the time but you all know how younge I look)...but now i have come to realize that a musicians other lover is their music. I don't think that I want to share my man with a second lover. Unless they are in love with God!(that sounds so cheese!) It seemed to me as though his words were spocken out of regret, like he had hurt some innocent girl and hated himself for it.
And so I end my rant on missed loves and sadly my missed loves to come.

Evil

"Evil is the absence of empathy"
Nurremburg trials
Notice how it isn't the absence of love but the absence of empathy. The Nazi germans were capable of loving their families yet lacked any kind of empathy for those outside of their social sphere.
Nurremburg was an incredible movie, a must see for all. It has inspired me to sit down with my grandma and have her tell me all that she experienced and witnessed during the war. One of her sisters was a Hitler youth and the other was part of the resistance. These two sisters shared the same bed at night! Crazy!