Celibacy Over Divorce

Flash Backs

March 2006 at the YMCA Day Camp, the day before St. Patrick's Day

Me: I like your hair Jolene and Stuart (its green and spiked). Who did it?

Stu: My dad did. [Jolene lovingly latches onto her brother]

Me: It looks really cool! He did a good job!

Stu: My mom and dad are getting a divorce.

Me: (concerned voice) Oh I'm sorry Stu, when did you find out?

Stu: When they fighted.

Me: How does that make you feel?

Stu: It makes me feel bad.

Me: I'm sorry you have to go through this. Is their anyway that your dad and mom can work it out?

Stu: (Blank Stare) Dad has to go away for a week, he is going on a trip and said that he would bring us something back. His friend did our hair today.

Me: Oh. I'm sorry, I hope he brings you something cool back [Unsure of what else to say I walk away]

These two children are only 6 and 4! This means that only two or three years after their second child the parent decided to get a divorce! Who does that! I had watched that morning as their dad dropped them off and spent five minutes saying good-bye to them as though it would be his last time seeing them. These two children have cherub like faces and you would never suspect that such turmoil was happening in their life. I suspect that the father and mother grew apart and he found someone else.

Flash Back Feb. 2006 YMCA

Katherine: Guess what I'm doing this weekend Ms. Adrienne?

Me: What Kat?

Katherine: Me and my dad are going to watch two movies together and make popcorn. I don't get to see him very often because he is always with her mom (points to her step-sister).

Step-sister: Do I get to come?

Katherine: (bossy voice) No its just me and my dad this weekend!

Me: That sounds like fun Kat I hope that you have a fun time.

I didn't really like Kat at first because she was a know it all and tried my patience more than once. Now that I understand where she is coming from I realize that she probably has to fight to be noticed by her dad because he is busy with his job, new wife and demanding step child. I have tried to be more patient and attentive to Kat. I think my work has paid off because she is one of my favourite students now.

I was talking with some old friends of mine and they told me of a couple I knew of who after only two years of marraige divorced. Out of the six people in the room I was the only person who expressed sorrow at such a lost. My friend who has hardened herself through out the years due to many boyfriends stated "what? he's still hot he can still find someone". I quickly brough the subject back to the saddness that such a union lasted only two years....if that.

I have witnessed the heart break of some of my friend's marraiges and have come to the conclusion that I would rather be celibate for the rest of my life rather than go through divorce. Even if kids aren't involved I feel that divorce is like death. Two people were brought together to represent the masculine and feminine side of God. They were made one together. When that is gone the union is brocken and dies. How many times do we think of our married friends as one in the same? You can't really imagine them apart!?! Then when it happens their is so much brockeness! Lost.

I read an article a few months ago in a progressive Christian magazine I found at the Library that talked about the affects of divorce on children. Even if kids would rather their parents divorce because they want they're parents to stop fighting they still hang onto the hope of having their parents live in harmony together.

This is the way that God made us, to have a mother and father. Both are God like figures to us, without one or the other our lives are incomplete.

What happened to the sacredness of marraige? I think that romance has ruined it! Back in the old days people married for financial reasons not strictly love. Now their is no need for marraige to be based upon finance but on feelings? Where is the balance?

Last Words

Love takes work. To quote old school DC Talk 'Love is a verb'.