Letter to the Dead

Dear Ross,
It has been 9 years since you have been gone but your memory still lives on in my mind. I miss you! Yesterday we celebrated my grandpa's 75th birthday, it was more of a good bye party because hes dieing. He has cancer. You will be seeing him in heaven soon. When he arrives you and uncle Al can play some pranks on people in heaven hee-hee. He is in really good spirits right now and I think that it is because he is looking forward to leaving earth. Its probably because important things are becoming more apparent to him now, he smiles and laughs more. He knows how to slow down and enjoy life.
Oh gosh I miss you. I was talking to your step dad and asking him how things were with him you know trying to make small talk asking all the right questions and probing my brain for the right questions to ask in order to avoid 'the' awkward silence. I almost asked him how you were doing and what you were doing now but stopped myself. Thank goodness I did! Can you imagine how awkward it would have been if I had asked that?!? No recovery could hide those questions. Now that I come to think of it, that is kind of a good thing because it just feels as though you are away not necessarily that you don't exist and in a sense that is true. You just went to heaven before any of us.
So I talked to your nephew Beck, man oh man has he grown up! He is 16! That was how old you were when you died! Scary eh! I found out that some of your other nephews are 18-19! I can't believe that! Sigh I am getting old even if I don't feel like it. Beck reminds me a little of you, he has the same sort of cockiness that you did when you were his age and he has that same sort of naivety that you had. His mom (your sister) is just as strict with her kids as your mom was. You would think that after her time of rebellion against your mom she wouldn't enforce the same guide lines with her kids. It doesn't help that she has home schooled all of them, they live in the middle of nowhere, the church they go to doesn't have a youth group and they aren't involved in any organized sports. At least you went to the Christian school and were involved with soccer. Speaking of which Beck said that he doesn't remeber you much except that you were an awsome soccer player. I agreed with him on this point even though I never saw you play. I'm still cursing myself for missing out on those two times that you asked me to come to your games. So sorry. Well Beck made that remark after I said to him 'this is the time when your uncle Ross and I would go off together and do our own thing'. I was referring to how boring the party was, cuz it was! Too many old people and too much small talk; 'so what are you doing now' 'are you in school' 'oh your not 18?' blah blah blah blah. Guuurrrrrrrr
Well I'm worried about Beck. You see he was trying to tell me about how he has gone to a bunch of youth conferences, so I asked him what ones he had gone to and well I don't think he has been to any 'youth' oriented conferences but he has been to conferences. He has also started being interested in girls, I think he has a a new appreciation for his appearance the word vanity comes to mind. Very much like you were! He is a cute boy, just lacking some social skills. He told me about how their is only one other girl at his church his age and his mom wants him to hook up with her except he isn't really interested in her. Later on I find out he is 'dating' a girl he sees once in awhile. She goes to a tight Baptist church in Toronto that they sing at once in awhile. I think that your sister is coming to the realization that her kids need to get out if they are ever going to find a life mate.
I am going to try and aid in his socialization as much as possible I told him I would find out some youth conferences that he could go to and trust me I am! I am going to also send him the latest Relient K ep. I figure he could stand to learn a little bit about what quality music sounds like. Don't worry it is the acoustic version of the songs so it won't shock him too much! Just like you educated me about listening to rock music that is creative rather than cookie cutter Newsboys and DCTalk I plan on doing the same. Only I'm going to have to start from ground zero because Beck has probably only really been introduced to the likes of Rebecca St. James and Chris Rice. Ughhhh so Dove label. I know Relient K is still pretty mainstream but they write their own stuff and it has some creativity. I don't think they were around when you were alive but I think you would have liked them. You liked punk music before it even became popular. The reason that I want to do this is because I don't think that his parents have allowed him to fully experience what good music sounds like. Beck is singing with his mom and siblings at different churches, which is really sweet but still he is 16 not 12! He actually wants to pursue a career as a musician but with the music they sing I don't think he will get far with. They are opening for some old guy from the Imperials next month so you can just imagine!
In a way he kind of reminds me of you and how you wanted to be a rock star. I remember how you said that when you made it big you wanted to have a show where during the intermission after growing your hair super long you would shave it all off.
*Random Tangent* Their mom has allowed them to watch the movie Napoleon Dynamite. This is a movie I think you would have really liked. Anyway I was quoting a bunch of lines from the movie with him. Good times! 'My lips hurt real bad' 'lucky!' 'Tina you fat lard!' Ah so funny! You have to see the movie to fully appreciate the lines I guess. It is in the assonance(sp?) of how Napoleon says them.
Well Ross I wish you were here, I think we would have stayed in touch. We could have gone to concerts together dated each others friends but God had other plans. He wanted you home with Him. Just to let you know I look for guys who have similiar character traits as you: confident, funny, play the guitar, make me laugh, adventurous, crafty(as in sneaky), some what athletic, creative, goofy, good looking, skate-board, intellectual. They may not have all of these traits but they usually have some of them, most of all I look for the humour aspect.
Maybe God will allow you to see this post from heaven. That would be cool eh!
Well my friend and cousin I will see you LATER!
Love Adrienne
PS I heard about the prank you played on the guy from school up in Brockville. I can't believe you put Tabasco in his eyes while he was sleeping! Your mom said that you didn't mind digging the ditch as a punishment because it was right by the soccer field so then you could watch soccer at the same time. Silly boy!