"That Guy"
You know that guy who everyone just thinks is so great but no one is willing to date him because he is just such a 'great' guy? Well 'that guy' is in my life right now. He is a nice guy and he is fun but beyond that .....nothing!
I met him at the staff party at Christmas. Innitially their was some curiosity, I had seen his picture at work from the Summer before (he works Summers I worked Christmas) and I thought he looked like a cool guy and that it would be a cool to meet him someday. Then I saw him at the Christmas party and matched his face with the picture. Through a series of events we were introduced and we hung out for the rest of the party. Then he asked me to go out for coffee afterwards. That night we went out for coffee and walked by the Bay. I felt comfortable around him and he was fun. My ego was definetly boosted! I had been dealing with winter depression and a bad skin condition on my face.
Eventually the age question came around, I knew he was younger than me and was hoping that he would only be 21. I was thinking "Coooommmme OOOoooonnnn 21!" Well he had just turned 20 Aaaaahhhhh tooo younge! That is younger than my cousin Ryan!
The next day I started contemplating things a little deeper. The excitement of the date wore off and I realized that no I didn't want things to go any further. In fact he just kind of felt like a cousin to me, I felt as if I was hanging out with my cousin Ryan not someone I was romantically interested in.
Well two days later he called me up and invited me over for New Years in my head I was moaning NOOOOOooooo and out of my mouth came "ya sure". I went to the party and was the oldest one their. Everyone was giving him the wink wink nudge nudge. It was then that I realized he was 'that guy'. And I was the girl who had to tell him the 'I just want to be friends line'. I had a good time that night but by the time it was time for me to leave he was slightly enebreated. I gave him a hug good bye and he took the plunge and kissed me on the cheek. Inside I was moaning with agony at what was progressing. I liked the attention but knew if I did not end it soon I wasn't being fair to him or myself.
A couple days later he called me. I felt like crap that day and so I told him I would call him back. I got off the phone had some food and then called him back renewed by the food I had eaten so that I could think straight. I told him the story of seeing his picture and wanting to meet him and then being able to meet him in person. I told him how much fun I had had with him and how I felt like I could be a goof around him and not care. And then....I told him I didn't want things to go any further. He was cool with it we talked for another twenty minutes and then hung up.
He went back to school and we kept in touch while he was away. We hung out on March break one night which was a little awkward but we watched a super cool movie called "Murder Ball". It was about paraplegic athletes who play competitive indoor rugby. Tres cool a must see!
Anyway Spring is here and I am working back at the Garden centre. Dude is back from school and we work at the same work place. The first two weeks were awkward I tried to carry a conversation with him but it was hard. We really have nothing in common and he isn't the most engaging person to talk to. He does not challenge me intellectually or spiritually. I just don't feel a connection with him.
He has been calling me and I have been busy thankfully so I can't hang out with him. Everytime he calls to hang out I just moan with anxiety at having to turn him down. My dad thinks I'm so quirky for feeling this way. Yet, I know what I want when I want it and this is something I don't want. Ya, sure we can hang out but.... I have done that whole 'we're just hanging out' thing before and know that it progresses into more than just hanging out. Even if I set boundaries it is the intimacy of being with someone for prolonged amounts of time that promotes unwanted intimacy. I am female and do have the desire for romance. I can't exactly say that I would put on the brakes right away if he were to put the moves on me or that I would completly disallow a little sparks to fly. I want to protect myself and protect my younge friend.
Maybe I'm blowing this out of proportion but better to be safe than sorry. Right?!
posted by Adrienne at
6:20 PM
8 Comments:
This seems odd to me. If you feel so natural and fun hanging out with him why can't you let it progress to become more? For me a girlfriend is someone who I hang out with all the time who I also get to cuddle with and kiss goodnight. :)
So other than physical intimacy and exclusivity I don't think there is much difference between a girlfriend and any other female friend.
Obviously I have female friends that I like to hang out with but I wouldn't date because I know it won't work (for whatever reason), but if I were in your shoes, I'd be perfectly willing to let this guy pursue me.
Is it because he's younger than you?
I'm sure I'm missing the point. Either that or girls are weird. ;)
12:58 PM
Oh yeah and Murderball is and AWESOME movie. :D
1:24 PM
It is partly the age gap but honeslty I do not feel intellectually challenged by him and I'm not attracted to him.
11:06 AM
Adrienne,
I think I get what your saying. Maybe there is some allure in the potential for a relationship or for romantic attention. Even if he's just "the guy". But you know you're not attracted to him, and you know he doesn't intellectually challenge you. That's super important. And the moans you feel are a red light. You'd be doing nobody—yourself included—any favours if you ignored that feeling.
It seems you know what you want, and he is not it. Don't settle for anything less than genuine attraction and friendship!
My 2¢.
Peace,
T
1:19 PM
Awwww Tom your great! Thanks so much for your 2 cents! I was actually tossing and turning last night because I was worried as to whether I was throwing away another perfectly good chance at having a relationship with someone good and kind.
Thanks for your reasurance in my decision. I'm pretty decisive person and ya this is not what I want.
Now to just get past the awkwardness of meeting him at work everyday!
2:25 PM
I had a friend like this in university, and it was really awkward! I knew he liked me and it made even being friends with him difficult because I was constantly worried I was going to lead him on in some way. What made it even worse was that a few of his female friends, who were obvious admirers, were really jealous/mean toward me!!!
My method was to keep a distance from him as much as possible, and when we did socialise it was with groups of friends rather than alone.
Obviously that is a bit more difficult with you guys working together...so try to be friendly in work, just like with any other friend...and if its true that you actually like him as a friend, then perhaps when he invites you out bring another friend or 2 with you? This way he'll get the hint but at the same time you get to keep a friendship...and saves the frustration of saying no all the time...hey you could even try to hook him up with another single friend! Tiana xxx
9:36 AM
Ya, I have thought about hooking him up with my younger cousin who is an avid swimmer. He is an avid cyclist and is in need of a swimmer for a triathalon.....so we'll see if I can convince my cousin and the runner to go that she would be the best candidate for the triathalon.
I would bring a friend with me if he were to invite me to do something but all of my girlfriends are just as busy as I am so it is hard to do stuff with them on short notice. Bah its hard being older!
11:14 AM
Oh Ade,
Your stories make me smile.
Dont worry, sarnia is swimming with plenty of other...... hmmmm there will be another bus in ....... a dime a ........
Oh crap, maybe u should have gone for gold.
4:28 PM
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